This is my father, George Lee Jackson. He transitioned the morning after I had visited him--November 9, 2014. I will never forget those precious moments with him. It's almost as if we reconciled all of our differences that had occupied space in our relationship for most of my life in just a few minutes, more like seconds.
I had once thought of my dad as such a stubborn, stern person who spoke his mind without any hesitation. But, as I spent the last few years with him, I understood that my daughter, Jannah, and I, coupled with his fond memories of his mom, were the soft spots in his heart.
Yes, I complained and doubted him about the times that he needed me. Yes, I hissed at the way he told me he needed my help, which were more commands with undoubtedly driven force. I went along doing what he needed me to do to the best of my ability. It wasn't easy. It was, in fact, very difficult in my mind to succumb to his demands. The time I had spent surrendering to hearing what my purpose is in order to understand how I would grow had driven me to give unconditionally to him, while all the time identifying what I thought were his faults that included his faults from my childhood.
At times, I hopped to his requests with sincerity and happiness, and with such gratitude, and it was joyous for me to feel those moments of pleasure and bliss. I kept saying during these specific times, "Thank you, Universe."
This morning as I spent time in silence, I realized that most of the time I give, I'm so excited, happy, humbled, and generous. But, I also admitted to myself that giving doesn't always feel good. So, I asked during communing with Divine Presence, "How do I continue to give when it doesn't feel good, and why did I continue to give to my dad?" The answer is always in the question. Simultaneously, we ask and hear what the soul is expressing--if we listen. The answer was simply because he needed me more than he has ever needed anyone, and he was happy to get any small or large amount I was willing to give. I found myself thinking how I wished I had given so much more. I love and miss my dad.
When we spend time in and with Silence--God--Divine Presence, we always want to give more because we are that which is speaking to and through us. Giving is not always easy or feels good, but if we stay in tuned just a little bit, listening for guidance within, we will do exactly what is needed in order to help others, even though we think they don't want or deserve our help.
As the tears fall from my eyes this morning, I realize that I'm cleansing, letting go of guilt, and I'm continuously driving out the fear that somehow always manages to creep back in through my thoughts. I'm grateful for the courage, the strength, and the desire to be free and to be honest with myself.
Thank you for allowing me to share in this place of peace. I'm grateful. Peace and sweet blessings to you, always!
Sunday, June 15, 2014
"Windows to the World" is an event at Allgood Elementary School, my daughter's school, recognizing and honoring people and cultures around the world.
I can't believe that it's been about seven months since I've posted something here in this space of peace. I must say, I'm glad to be back and expressing peace in only the way that my heart knows how to do so and that's through understanding, forgiveness, and compassion, topped with infinite love that needs to express through all of us.
So, let me get right to the point. There are times when I know that I'm striving to only hear and feel that which is trying to express through me. Then, there are times when doubt seems to flood my brain. I smile and realize that I am now doubting less and striving more--progress!
We come to a point when we are sick and tired of doubting. We come to a point when we are relieved that each day presents a beginning that allows us to continue to strive for that which we know we came here to experience on this beautiful planet. So, we wait. We have patience. While we wait, evolvement continues, and we are grateful for the new beginnings, for the desire to strive because it is so much better than placing the attention on doubt. Then we realize what we are waiting for is happening, and we are not waiting at all. We are on our journey, and it is remarkable.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
I thought it had only been a couple of days of missing my daily quiet time of reading and meditation until I took a scan in my mind. I realized it had been several days, almost a week and a half where I rushed out of the door getting somewhere while busting at the seams with anxiety. I thought to myself, "Oh, no--this is not going to work. I love feeling my ONENESS with Source."
No wonder my dad told me to slow down while I was driving him to the grocery store. I tend to not drive as smoothly when I am anxious. I had reassured him that I was going slowly, and I was a careful driver. He's just been idol too long sleeping on and off daily in his "lazy" chair.
After my self realization that I had gone days without meditation and prayer, this particular day I set my alarm to ensure that I would engage in my communion with Divine Presence, and afterwards, I felt rejuvenated. The night before, I listened to Rev. Michael Beckwith during Agape's Service about "staying tuned." I love when I pay attention to confirmations! I repeated the words several times as I walked out of my door for the day, "Stay tuned, Vickie. Stay tuned."
Well, on a long stretch of land where traffic is heavy during the morning, I drove 70 miles per hour while taking my daughter, Jannah, to school on a 65-mile-per-hour road until I came to a stop light. My daughter reminded me that I needed to write her a letter for school. I wrote it quickly while stopped at the red light, and then the light turned green. I handed her the pen and paper and proceeded to drive when I looked down briefly for a couple seconds to see where the pen had dropped. I looked up, and the car in front had completely stopped. I ran into the back of his Ford Mustang, an older car, but still a nice car.
Immediately, the anxiety rushed from my ankles to my hands, my ears, and my head. I took a deep breath, held back my tears and fear, and said, "Stay tuned." I asked Jannah if she was okay; she nodded her head with a "yes." I got out of my car to make sure the driver wasn't hurt. He was fine. When he got out of his car, I was shocked how much smaller he appeared than he did while sitting in his car. His light brown beard reached just below his neck; his thick mustache covered his thin lips, and his eyes appeared as if he were squinting through a peep hole. I noticed how his boots were untied and his pants slightly dirty. But what really caught my attention is that he had a bulge in his left cheek. As he moved his mouth around, it reminded me of my great uncle who use to sit on his porch and chew tobacco.
He said he would call the police, and I said I would call my job. "Stay tuned, Vickie." I got back in my car to get my phone, but before I dialed the numbers to my job, I got out of the car and asked Kendall his name. He answered, and I addressed him by saying, "Kendall, I'm Vickie, and I don't want a ticket, but I want to make sure your car is repaired and that you are not hurt. Can we handle this without the police?" He spit brown saliva from the tobacco out of his mouth, and said, "I don't have to call the police; I thought that you wanted me to call the police." I said, "But, your car has a dent in it." He said, "It's fine. I have a buddy who owns an auto body shop, and he can fix it." I said, "Well, here is my insurance information." He said, "I don't need it. I just want to make sure your kid is fine." I said, "She is doing fine, and we both are okay." He said, "Well, that's all we need to do." I took a deep breath, and said, "Thank you, Kendall. Can I give you a hug?" He said, "Sure."
So, here we are: a White male with a thick, long beard wearing a confederate baseball cap, chewing tobacco and a Black female with long hair locks wearing high heel shoes, hugging tightly on the side of a highway. As I walked back to my car, I looked at the new set of people in their cars now at that same red light where Kendall and I had stopped minutes before. Of course, they were looking at us strangely. Because their windows were down, I yelled to a female and man in the car closest to my car, "I got a hug for hitting him."
I am so grateful for "staying tuned," listening, praying, meditating and knowing that all of my needs are always met, knowing how to remove anxiety and to slow down when driving. I am here to LOVE the world! I FEEL it! And I'm having a blast doing it!
Monday, June 24, 2013
I love to commune with Divine Presence on a daily basis because it confirms that I am not alone, that the I AM is always present, leading and guiding me. However, sometimes I forget that God provides us with a sensational help by working through other people. I have a habit of saying, "That's okay. I'm fine. I can make it without your help." Some may call it pride; some may call it lack of self-worth, and some may even call it a lie. For me, I don't want to put stress on anyone else, at least that's what I tell myself. So, I try to do it all by myself while thinking how much easier it would have been to have accepted "her" help.
Sometimes, I admit to myself a lot about the things that I know to do and know not to do in terms of staying aware of my actions, but for whatever reason, I still have difficulty conforming to what I know is right. Then suddenly, something clicks within my mind, and then I understand on a deeper level. Today, this little story I read inside of Mary Manin Morrissey's book, No Less Than Greatness, really penetrated my awareness. This passage not only opened me to be grateful for those who offer their help to me, but it allowed me to be conscious of receiving their help, and it allowed me to be considerate and passionate about their abilities and their desires to help me. Their help is God's gift to them, and to me. Here is the passage:
A boy and his father were out walking when they came across a large stone. The boy said to his father, "Do you think if I use all my strength, I can move this rock?" His father answered, "If you use all your strength, I am sure you can do it."
The boy began to push the rock. Exerting himself as much as he could, he pushed until sweat poured off his forehead, but the rock did not budge. Discouraged, the boy told his father, "You were wrong. I can't do it."
The father place his arm around the boy's shoulder and said, "No, son. I was not wrong. You didn't use all of your strength. "You didn't ask me for help."
Thursday, May 30, 2013
My daughter, Jannah, and her friend
Sometime ago, I envisioned myself hugging a room full of people, one by one. Then I felt the need to hug everyone I came in contact with, rather in a room or out in the public. After I completed my meditation session, I thought, “People are not open to complete strangers hugging them.” Just like that, I talked myself out of it through my thinking because I was afraid of rejection, even though I had that deep desire. I decided to just go with the flow and be available to the possibility of people accepting hugs from me.
Today, I trace all of the people I have hugged and thought about how natural and genuine it felt after just meeting and talking with them for a short period of time. During random conversations a few times with “strangers” in a public place, I said, “Can I just give you a hug?” Before I can finish my question, we were hugging. I realize that there will come a time when I will hug people just to be hugging them. I am open to it now. It’s amazing how if we just give a little opening to our hearts, God will do the rest.
After meditating today, I realize that when I hug you, I am hugging God. God works with us by working through us. Every day, we are hugged by someone; that’s God hugging us. Every day, someone touches our hand or our back, and we feel her support and her love. Every day, people show us that they recognize the beauty in us that’s in them by smiling with us; this is how we are hugged by Divine Presence.
The movement of love is forever flourishing. I invite you to recognize it with me by practicing to "hug" someone daily, and don’t forget about the people you may not know well or don’t know at all; because when we hug each other, we are exchanging the love of God—that phenomenal energy that elevates us to the unlimited capabilities and infinite capacities that are housed within us all. I read today in Mary Manin Morrissey’s book, Building Your Field of Dreams:
There’s an old story about a nine-year-old boy who was the Keeper of the Seal under King Louis IV. The boy was reverted as having great mystical powers, and one day the king went to him in the hope of finding out something that mattered greatly to him. “I will give you an orange,” said the king, “if you can tell me where I can find God.”
The Keeper of the Seal gazed at him for a moment and then responded, “I will give you two oranges if you can tell me where God is not.”
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
September 24, 2012, I wrote in my journal: "The confidence I thought I lacked was only my ego saying, 'No.' Saying no to confidence ensured me that I will not go beyond my comfort zone."
As I think about so many of the friends and family members in my life, I wonder how can I truly show how much I love them--how much gratitude fills every inch of my body when I think of them. Recently during prayer, I tapped into the Oneness--the communion with such a powerful and intertwining rope of love that all I wanted to do is share it with the world. I then decided to see a light. This light filled my body, then the room, and then my house. You see, this light was and is always shining; I just tapped into it by feeling the beauty I AM. So, I thought, "If I can see the light where I AM, and I can see it as far as my heart, mind, and soul will take me, which is infinitely available, then I know I can see it in and around my friends and family." I shared this light with every person and everything that came to my mind. Then I realized, I am showing love--the love of Divine Presence--with all of my friends, associates, and family members without saying anything.
Isn't that remarkable? We have the ability to just think and feel grace for ourselves and others, knowing that same grace is so ever present, forever.
Confidence is letting your light shine, and if you don't know how to do this, think about the things that would make you feel at peace, in love, and with joy, then see those same things for others. This light, the same light you reflect, is returning to you. That's the power of the Universe. Don't be afraid to walk in confidence because it is how you and I have the ability, the courage, and the strength to walk in grace, in love, and in humility--the attributes of God that's always here, always moving, always presenting opportunities for us to deny self--the ego--in order to embrace the truth. The truth is life is always GOOD, and you are life! So, live in confidence.
Friday, February 15, 2013
My last time crying was when I drove my car onto the driveway of my hair stylist's home. I could feel the tears swelling in my throat. I held back the tears—I thought—until I knocked on her door. The tears came so fast, I could hardly speak. So, when she opened the door, I put up my index finger, letting her know to give me a few minutes. Of course, she asked me if I was all right. I nodded, and she closed the door. Trying to stop crying was very hard to do, so I gave myself five seconds to let it all go, to just let the tears fall. Afterwards, I was able to control the tears better. I knocked on her door again, and this time, I smiled and laughed as a few more tears found their way down my cheeks. I sat in her chair, and we began to talk like we always do. Our conversations are both healing and revealing to us both. During that visit, we talked and had a laughing moment where there was no space or time; it was just laughter. An hour later, I felt healed; I felt happy; I felt rejuvenated. It wasn't from the cry, but it was from the laughter!
It's one of those things that sometimes mentally drain me; I'm finding out that there are many jobs that I think I can do just to make ends meet, but my lessons are teaching me that if my stepping stone doesn't go with my ultimate journey—the journey that involves the plan that I feel and see in my dreams or visions—it will feel like a daunting task, a dark task. A lesson always comes out of missing one of these stepping stones: I should stay true to my vision, my heart, and my soul.
How do I stay true to my vision? I practice seeing my vision every minute of each day, and I allow myself to feel the enthusiasm that comes with seeing my vision, regardless of how "bad" things may appear. Staying in this awareness helps me to feel if my next move is one of a lighted stepping stone or one of a move that is driven by limited thinking caused by fear. Before I accept a job, I know if the path is a lighted stepping stone or not, because I can immediately feel it. My knowing comes from the desire to practice living in the ONENESS with Divine Presence.
So, from this point forward, I listen to Spirit’s Guidance and move in the direction of light, which I am carrying to brighten the path on my journey. You see, when my light dims, it is a sign that I have gone off path. When my light dims, I am no longer in tuned to the always present Guidance, but in tuned to fear. I AM guidance. I AM one with the light of Divine Presence, which is always lighting the stepping stone, my path and my journey. As the great teacher, Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith, often says, “I am the power I am looking for.” I take only the lighted stepping stones, which are brightened by me, the I AM.